by Steven Grace
Scripture: Philippians 4:6-13New International Version (NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
So I’ve had a little bit going on lately (moving the shop, starting a second part-time job, and being active in several other ways)…
When we delivered a stillborn son, Alexander, in April 2015, my heart was broken. Some of the circumstances made it more traumatic, but anytime you lose a child, it is heartbreaking. So when we found out that we were expecting again, we were quite excited.
Fast forward to our 20-week ultrasound…
We excitedly took Rylee with us (she was home from school), deciding if we would have blue or pink in the middle of the cupcakes we were going to share with the girls that night. But when the doctor came in and had concern in her voice, I went numb. “Again?” I thought. With Jessica on bed rest, our excitement was quickly quelled.
Fast forward to Monday, March 13th, two days after we had reached 23 weeks (when babies are typically “viable”, which is scary to say or think)…
Around 5:00 a.m. Jessica wakes me up, saying she’s not feeling well. We decide to call the hospital, and they decide we should come in to see what’s up. After several exams, she’s put on medicine to stop contractions. My head doesn’t want to think about the possibilities. After 2 ½ days, Baby Jaclyn can’t wait anymore, and joins the world at one pound, one ounce. She immediately is placed in a NICU incubator and wheeled away from us. Staying with Jessica, partially to make sure she was doing okay, but more so because I was scared out of my mind, reality begins to set in: we’re in for a long, hard road.
Of course, my emotions were (and still are) all over the place. I go from joy and excitement to fear and worry to anger, all within 15 minutes. As we began sharing the news with our family, there were many tears shed—both of joy and fear. After telling so many people the same thing—she’s laying in a bed, waiting to gain weight, but the doctors say she’s got strong vitals—I feel like a broken record.
At one point, with so much uncertainty, my dad asked me how I can do it—how can I be so calm and relaxed and hold my composure with all that is going on? My first answer: I have to. I have a wife and two lovely daughters at home that need me to be strong with them. I have a business to run. I have…
But then, as I thought more and more about it, I realized the real reason. I have God. Matthew 11:28-29 says 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Talk about a smack upside the head. I have talked so many times about my spiritual journey, and how it seems uneventful, but I know God is there. Here I am, in a very stressful, terrifying situation, and I feel calm. The Lord has given me rest. He has taken that worry from me, He is comforting me. I even talked at length with some people at my Walk to Emmaus about the importance of “Letting Go and Let God.”
It is fitting that Dad was the one who asked how I do it. It made me think back, and realize that one of the main turning points in my journey was when my grandfather died. At 17, I was angry, and I just knew I could do it alone. But I had several people that were there for me—God’s way of saying that He is there, and I’m not alone, and don’t have to do it alone. It is also fitting, because one of my great memories of childhood is working with Dad and Grandpa in Grandpa’s garage—cleaning the sanders, cutting small pieces of wood, or just generally tinkering. But I always remember displayed in the garage was a copy of the poem “Footprints in the Sand”.
The Footprints Poem
One night I had a dream… I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me. The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.
God is there for us, always. Just because we believe in Him, doesn’t mean we won’t have tough times. But we need to remember to turn to Him to provide that comfort for us.
Now, does that mean that I’m not scared anymore? No way. But it does mean that when I feel that fear creeping in, I quickly turn to God and ask him to pick me up for a few steps, until my legs are able to carry myself again.
Prayer: (Based on Psalm 23)
Lord, you are my shepherd, providing all that I need. You lead me to the pastures and waters that refresh my soul. Even in trying times, I trust that you are there, comforting and protecting me. Your goodness and love are with me always, and I will dwell in your house forever. AMEN
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