Thursday Devotion

The Joy of Grief

By Deborah Schoenfelder

“Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy.”  John 16:20

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

Her former father-in-law died. Yes, she had moved on many years before when the divorce occurred, leaving her to forge a life without her first love and husband. She raised her children, and slowly but surely “found herself” and a sense of contentment. Life moved on even further and with it came the happiness of meeting the love of her life, and then the precious gift of grandchildren.

Even with the passage of decades and life events, she was surprised how deeply she was affected by the death of her ex-father-in-law. He was a good man who had treated her with great affection, humor, and love. She remembered when the divorce was final, he made a point of telling her he missed her; so simple and yet such a powerful thing to tell her.

So when she learned of his death, she knew she couldn’t attend his funeral service that might allow her to publicly share her grief with others. Secretly she hoped she would be told she could come, but she knew that probably wouldn’t happen-and it didn’t. So she grieved, mostly by herself, as best she could. It felt strange, isolating, and incomplete, leaving her with a sense of helplessness.

What she wasn’t able to do (attend the funeral and grieve with family and friends) quickly led her to turn from what she couldn’t do to what she could do. She looked up photos of her former father-in-law that she had from her children’s younger years, scanned them and sent them to her children, hoping it would offer them comfort in the loss of their beloved grandfather. She talked to her husband and a longtime friend and confidante, reminiscing about her father-in-law. She also visited the gravesite on her own, offering up her goodbyes in that manner. And while she did all of this, she prayed and searched for scripture to soothe her deep sadness, the best remedy of all. There is endless comfort and healing at the ready in the Bible and in prayer!

If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, you are not alone. Grief, at its best, is almost never simple. Even close knit families disagree about what will be said and sung at a funeral, let alone who will do those honors. And who gets what regarding possessions can get downright contentious at times. Now add the complexity of divorce, estrangements, and countless other

ways that divide human beings; and the time following the death of a loved one can leave you feeling left out and unable to grieve as you would choose.

So where is the joy in all of this? It seems like just taking a day at a time, perhaps even a minute at a time, is a good place to start. Call on trusted others, and especially upon your faith and relationship with God. Prayer doesn’t have to be anything fancy or eloquent, it just needs to be heartfelt. It can be as basic as sitting in silence and as you are moved, asking for help. If you are comfortable using the internet, typing in “Bible verses when grieving” can direct you where to look for scripture to soothe your hurting heart. Efforts like prayer and scripture, combined with the love and support of people who care for you, will hopefully help you move from the strange sadness of “grieving from a distance” to a place of peace and joy. Praise God!

Prayer: Gracious God of comfort and joy, thank you for taking care of us when we are not quite sure where to turn, especially when we feel alone in our grief. Having you in our lives makes it possible to grieve deeply and completely, and then breathe in the joy. You really are amazing in every possible way. AMEN.

Additional selected songs:

Be Still My Soul, Words by Katharina A. von Schlegel, 1752; Music by Jean Sibelius, 1899

Abide With Me, Henry Francis Lyte, 1847

Nearer My God To Thee, Sarah Flower Adams, 1841

Amazing Grace, John Newton, 1779

Precious Lord, Take My Hand; Thomas A. Dorsey, 1932

It is Well With My Soul, Horatio Spafford and Philip Bliss, 1876

I Will Rise; Louie Giglio, Matt Maher, Chris Tomlin, Jesse Reeves, 2008

You Never Let Go; Beth Redman, Matt Redman, 2005

Cry Out To Jesus, Third Day, 2005

I Can Only Imagine, MercyMe, 1999